Sunday, November 18


I tried to name the ten commandments today, without looking at Google. I was trying to remember what was written in the bible (for most of the ten):

1. Don't kill anyone.

2. Don't steal.

3. Don't steal your neighbor's wife.

4. Love your father.

5. Don't make no blingin' idols.

6. Thou shalt not touch a woman when she is on her period. She is unclean.

7. Thou shalt not worship any other gods.

8. Thou shalt not get up to go to the bathroom during a movie, and not ask other people to pause it, even though you know that they really want you to see the whole movie.

9. Thou shalt not steal lives in NES Contra without the consent of the stealee. Escape clause -- if you are under 8 or have no control over your hands, you are exempt from this commandment.

10. Thou shalt not try to convince oneself that cats are intelligent. They are not.

How'd I do? These are the reformist-agnostic-Jewish commandments, by the way, so they might not be the same as the Christian ones or whichever other ones you're thinking of.

My Rabbi told me that being in love is like having to take a piss.